Feeling Messed About

A phone call at 5pm last night has left me feeling a little messed about.

The call from my consultant at Nottingham was to inform me that when I go in on Sunday or Monday they will not after all perform the chemotherapy. Instead Renal will look at my kidney to determine whether I will have the rest of the process. Given that my kidney has been an issue for months and given I have been to Nottingham many times in recent weeks it does seem to be a little late in the day to be changing plans.

It is all about a balance of risk, the wish to cement in a longer term remission to the Myeloma against the danger of the chemotherapy drug to the kidney. It is entirely possible they will decide not to go through with the stem cell transplant, making the last few months a complete waste of time. Alternatively they may postpone it or they may decide to proceed any way.

Regardless , where does this leave my kidney? Will there be any treatment or must I just live with it? What about longer term? When can I return to work?

Many of these questions will hopefully be answered on Monday or Tuesday , but it is all rather annoying. As much as the next stage is risky there is a sense of completion and a moving on. Even if the kidney went into failure there is a process through dialysis. Living with a low functioning organ and without the last phase of my Myeloma treatment is much more disconcerting.