I’m home now.
I’m feeling better but am I well?
People say I look well
They are encouraging me, I know
Part of my response is guilt!
Guilt because in my head that means I’m well.
Well enough to work?
I feel guilty ’cause I’m not.
It’s a geographical impossibility.
My job in Tanzania
Too far from medical treatment.
Too remote a commute.
Too expensive a destination to make it viable.
Yet my family are there
Wife and daughter.
Two months and more away from meeting.
Wife soldiering on.
Packing up , selling up, working day by day to facultate our exit.
Daughter burdened by exams,
IGCSEs the daily battle, revising and performing under pressure.
Both working for a new future imposed upon them by my health.
My teacher colleagues.
Extra duties, cover lessons, preparation and marking.
All the while
I lie in bed, go for walks, recover, rest
It’s the right thing to do but …
Im in chemo.
Tests and medications.
‘Washed out’ after little things.
Not on ‘top form’
I’ve fallen down a cliff.
In truth I wouldn’t cope right now.
Kidney, bones and blood have seen to that
Frustrated ‘bread winner
Note to self
I will recover
I will get better
I will feel guilty but I will surpress it.
In the end it is the only road to recovery.